Life of Approvals


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There comes a time in a life where you feel like you are facing a wall. You are stuck, you can’t get over it, you feel so small. Sometimes everything happens at once and sometimes nothing happens at all. You can’t make a decision so you sit there crying and your eyes you bawl. Forgetting that this is your life and you must stand tall.

All that only happens only when you look towards others to make your decisions for you. Instead of hearing your own heart and listening to what it wants you to do. Recently someone told me get rid of your emotions will you? And I sit there and question with a dead heart how are you supposed to survive this life through? How do you walk around pretending you are OK and inside you don’t feel gray and blue? It is very easy for some while it becomes an everyday battle for some in their own shoes. To get up and pretend as their lives pass through. Their hearts already dead just waiting for them to be dead too. And this is a life story of so many if only you knew.

Can I do this? Can I do that? Asking others for approvals for things you actually want to do. Goals you want to achieve, visions you want to make true. And then someone answers no and you sit there think ‘maybe they are right and I am not capable for this to do.’ You keep hearing disapprovals from others that you end up living the average life as others do. Forgetting that the One who created you never limited your goals and visions and that He is the One who inspires you to do. He controls your Hearts and is the One who puts those feelings in your hearts for you.

And here you are being silly asking for approval from His creation as if they control you. Not standing up for yourself and what you want to do. Living to please others, scared they might not like you. Giving others power over yourself when God is the One holding all power and He is the One who created you. Letting your heart die and then feeling sorry for yourself too. When will you stand up for yourself and you decisions. Please tell me that will you? Is it today? Is it tomorrow? Will it be too late? Or will you find the courage to do it soon?

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It’s been a long time.


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this way to home.

It’s been a long time when out of nowhere with these words I stopped.In the race of this life there are so many holes and traps over which you always have to hop. Sometimes you can run past them as fast as you can while other times you end up falling in those holes deeper than it was actually planned. It all really depends on what is in your heart. What your intentions are, where do you want to go and where did you start? If your intentions are to run home then there will be no stop for you no matter how many roads you find blocked. But if your intentions are to look around and make some stops here and there then know that you are bound to drop.

By dropping in the hole I don’t mean that’s your end. Remember it is about the intentions and where we actually began. Just by falling does not mean you will now stay in that trap. If your heart remembers the real goal of running home you will eventually begin to suffocate in that plastic wrap. But if your heart has moved far away, it will sit there lost and confused not knowing where to look and what to grab. It is all really a self process of how fast you can bring yourself back. Truly it is the intentions of our hearts that we really need to track.

Sometimes we run as fast as we can. But other times we fall not remembering our life purpose and where we began. Sometimes all it takes is a prayer or a thought to bring ourselves back. And other times we sit there with our confused minds, the ability to get up again we lack. It is all a struggle and everyday we get attacked. To check how far you have come is the only time you should look back!

Piece of your mind.


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Splash of colours for sunset today had me thinking.

It is that time where you must give them a piece of your mind. Just because you were quiet does not mean you were blind. They kept taking advantage because you have always been so kind. But you must sit with yourself and look at how Self Respect is defined. How you have always been thrown of by them, to yourself you must remind. It is finally time to respect your morals and values and let all those words out that you have combined. In yourself that inner strength, that lost soul you must find. And finally give them a piece of your mind.

Don’t remind an arrogant how to them you have always been so kind. All that you have done, to a selfish person don’t remind.  Every time you were there for them, don’t look at the past that you have left behind. Just do this to get your self respect back and hit them with reality that all this time you were not blind. You deserve so much better than what has been left behind.

But in order to move on to the next chapter, you must close this one by giving them a piece of your mind.

If it comes back its yours?


Lunch at work and some "me" time at all time favorite spot.

Lunch at work and some “me” time at all time favorite spot.

Once again let’s talk about letting it go. If it comes back it is yours, of that how are you sure? Perhaps it came back for you as a test if you can once again let it go? Why are you looking back at those closed doors?

Within those closed doors was once where you felt secure. Till one day when it pushed up back and on your face it closed. And up till this day you think for your heart ache that is where you will find the cure.

You try to be patient till God finally will open the next door. At times you get impatient and about what’s ahead you seem unsure. Ignoring that God is with the patient ones (Surah Al-Baqarah) and to you again and again He assures.

So why can’t you let it go  what you once called yours? Why can’t you trust that something better is planned for you at the next door?

Something better for all that you endured. Something better where your heart will feel secure. Something better that you can finally call yours.

Didn’t forget!


Toronto |  This beautiful view form a friend's room.

Toronto | This beautiful view from a friend’s room.

Sometimes we take the right decisions but the past we never forget. Sometimes you move on with your life with the right things but your decisions at times you still regret. Sometimes we miss the past and sit quietly and one or two tears we shed. And sometimes all around us people go on with their lives ignoring how we feel and seeing our lives as all set.

But you didn’t forget, you didn’t forget. The times you were helpless and the times they all left. The times they made you feel so weak as if they have done so much and on your shoulders there is so much debt. The time they mocked you and threw you down as a burnt cigarette.  And then they ignore what happened in the past as if it is easy to forget.

Only God was there to show you a way when you needed to be led. Only He was there who saw and you He didn’t forget. And now when your life is all set… they come back offering you the same that you once wanted ignoring that you were once upset. He sees what you want and makes you free of the want and now you don’t want to get (Surah ad-Duha). It’s all in your head what they once said. It’s all in your heart what you once felt. They remember it all but pretend to forget. But you need to let them know that you didn’t forget!

Because you didn’t forget, you didn’t forget. All those tears that you once shed. You didn’t forget how you once felt. When they all walked away and all by yourself you were left. You didn’t forget who then came as always to help. You didn’t forget and He didn’t forget.

The day you walk alone.


Turn your face to the sun and shadows fall behind you.

Turn your face to the sun and shadows fall behind you. Downtown Toronto

It’s been a while since I wrote. I guess you can say I was in the middle of the sea and got lost with my boat. There are times in our lives where we ask ourselves towards which way do we float? There is Someone there Who is pulling us towards this one way as if by a remote. Truth be told it is a long way. We walk and run, at times we think of it all as amusement and play (Surah Al-Hadid). Then we fall down while playing  shedding those tears and remember to once again pray. Who is guiding our way? Who is not letting us get lost and protecting us from being of those who from their path go astray?

One night in November you walk home alone. It is dark, it is quite and only through street lights the path is shown. The struggle you feel this night you never felt before. You cry and say out loud Oh God please let me sit right here on this road. Is it possible to not have the strength to walk not even to your house door? With a broken heart and no strength You keep going on and the pain you ignore.

You want to fall down or sit but something keeps pushing you from the back. Something keeps telling you that if you fall down on the road, you will loose this so you cannot slack. From all around you feel as if you are being attacked. Then all of a sudden as if you see light passing through a crack. It is a light from your home so you run towards it as fast as you can. And finally you reach home and you let it all out. You run to your room and let those tears finally fall down to the ground. There is no more pain or struggle, but rather tears of happiness and in your thoughts you drown…

There is finally an understanding of the concept that this is truly how your life goes. No matter what street you walk through at the end you must come home.  Since you know where your house is and to you the path is shown. Now you do a bit of exploring, get lost in few streets but as long as you get back to the street that is your own. We get lost many times in our lives but what matters is how many times we bring ourselves back towards the path that is known. No matter what we do in our lives we must return back to the One who owns the Throne ( Surah Al-Baqarah). Now it is up to us if we want to wander the streets being lost or do we want to return back home?

As long as we want to return to our home God won’t let us fall. At times we will walk and run and in hard times He will even help us crawl. As long as we keep the intention of returning back home He will even help us break walls. As long as we keep doing good on our way He won’t give up and will continue to call. This is your walk alone so at all times you must stand tall. People will walk with you for a while but then turn into the streets where their houses are. But at the end we all must get to our homes it is where we belong. It is all a matter of telling ourselves that you can do it because you are strong.

Five before five


I love productive days. Today was one of them.

I love productive days. Today was one of them.

Don’t you just love productive days where you feel like you got so much done. The days where you feel you are so organized and are on a constant run.  Recently I woke up one morning  panicking at the fact how fast time is flying. Then I felt better by reflecting over how much I achieved in the past 6 months and that motivated me to keep trying. Life is a continuous struggle but what will matter in the end is how hard we strive. And we can’t try our best if we don’t care of our five before five (hadith).

We must take care of  our youth before our old age. And we can truly take care of that when we understand that everyday in our lives is a new page. Your life is where you give your best performance and you must always think of it as your personal stage. Things that don’t benefit us is those many times in our lives we engage. But what matters is how fast we come back to realizing and freeing ourselves from that cage.

Next is taking care of our health before we fall sick. Take it as an example that you are walking without a burden and all of a sudden on your shoulders there is a heavy brick. With that brick now you can’t walk as fast and there are many things that go on a delay which before you could have done quick.

Your wealth before you go broke. It is better to be wise and not waste all that money as if life is a joke. Because once you are done with your wealth there is really nobody who will help you sincerely and that is usually when God many people invoke.

Your free time before your days get all booked up. And you can’t find the time to even sit with your family just for one tea cup. And then you remember those days you were all free and didn’t do much. And now you don’t have time for anything just your luck.

Lastly we must take care of our life before our death. Because it is all over and done when we take our last breath. Leaving behind our health, time, our age and our wealth. There is nothing much that can be done then there is no one then who we can ask for help.

Always something there.


Harbour Front Toronto

Harbour Front Toronto got to be my favourite spot to sit alone and reflect.

You wonder why something is always there to remind. When you try to leave the past and forget about what you left behind. You try to stop those memories and thoughts that come in to your mind. You try to close your eyes when you see something that comes in front of you to remind. As if by closing your eyes you… they won’t be able to find. And then you think why it is happening to you when you are trying to walk away from it… why is this world so unkind?

I reflect on the past a lot because that is what helps you improve. Thinking about everything that happened is what helps you to move. It is what motivates you to prove. And it is exactly what strengthens you to acknowledge all the negativity in your life that you need to remove. Sometimes when you remember people you removed from  life you wonder if they think of you too. Do they remember you? Does something always remind them of you too? And I admit it is very annoying when you have no answers and you sit there without a clue. And you try to put your mind somewhere else reminding yourself everything that happened and try to focus outside the window on that view…

When others do you wrong let them do it anyway. It is hard at first but after a while you have the strength to easily walk away. The people who do you wrong will remember you day by day. They will always remember what they did to you even if they don’t admit and say. They are so interested in your life that the spaces in their hearts is filled by knowing what’s going on in your life and how you are spending your days. Even if you block and delete them out of your life … to find out where you are they will try their best to find a way. That is when you need to sit back and enjoy their game and how they play.

It is important for you to block and delete them fully and get away. Because if not you are just putting your life on display. You are letting them know that you are either hurt or living your life in full way. And either one of those can be played against you in so many different ways.  They are definitely annoyed by how you blocked them away. Because now they don’t know how to fill that space in their heart that is empty and they don’t know how to replace.

Now back to why something always comes back to you to remind. Take it as a blessing because God is So Kind. Through those little thoughts and memories that you remember here and there during your day. He blesses you with the strength to get over it day by day. Because in the start we all tend to push the thoughts as far back as we can just so in our minds it won’t stay. But in real we need as much time to get over something as we gave when we allowed that thing or person in our lives to stay.

It is preparing you for something greater that you may not see today. He gives us the patience to see how we react when that thing comes in front of us again and again. Do we feel our heart break inside every time we see it or do we just take a deep breathe, get over it and walk away?  I think that will be the question for today.

The credit goes to you?


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out my window.

We take pictures of the creation to show to the creation, to get credit from the creation for something we didn’t create.
Forgetting the Creator who created that creation because for everything the credit we ourselves want to take. 

The awkward moment.


Just another day at Downtown Toronto

Just another day at Downtown Toronto

It is one of those days when you question why me? When people pick on you for no reason, you get those weird comments and it goes on till the end of the day and you think ‘are you kidding me’? You are put into awkward situations that make you feel uneasy. And you start to get annoyed when people bump in to you for no reason when they can actually clearly see. One after the another the whole day goes by and you wish for it to end already. Then you lay in bed at night so tired and count everything that happened today thinking wow one, two, three.

Everything that happens to us is a trial either made of evil or good (Surah Al-Anbya).  Just to see how well you can handle all these situations if you could. Everything in life is here to teach us patience, as if that was easy we definitely would? It is so easy to get annoyed with everything that is happening wrong, forgetting the days everything was happening as what we wanted and life was good? By doing that I think it is the whole life purpose that we misunderstood. Because that one awkward moment or day can teach you a huge lesson that those good days never would. Life would be too boring if we never had any of these awkward moments to teach us to appreciate the good days and the value of them we finally know and understood!

Truly an awkward day I am having!