Life of Approvals


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There comes a time in a life where you feel like you are facing a wall. You are stuck, you can’t get over it, you feel so small. Sometimes everything happens at once and sometimes nothing happens at all. You can’t make a decision so you sit there crying and your eyes you bawl. Forgetting that this is your life and you must stand tall.

All that only happens only when you look towards others to make your decisions for you. Instead of hearing your own heart and listening to what it wants you to do. Recently someone told me get rid of your emotions will you? And I sit there and question with a dead heart how are you supposed to survive this life through? How do you walk around pretending you are OK and inside you don’t feel gray and blue? It is very easy for some while it becomes an everyday battle for some in their own shoes. To get up and pretend as their lives pass through. Their hearts already dead just waiting for them to be dead too. And this is a life story of so many if only you knew.

Can I do this? Can I do that? Asking others for approvals for things you actually want to do. Goals you want to achieve, visions you want to make true. And then someone answers no and you sit there think ‘maybe they are right and I am not capable for this to do.’ You keep hearing disapprovals from others that you end up living the average life as others do. Forgetting that the One who created you never limited your goals and visions and that He is the One who inspires you to do. He controls your Hearts and is the One who puts those feelings in your hearts for you.

And here you are being silly asking for approval from His creation as if they control you. Not standing up for yourself and what you want to do. Living to please others, scared they might not like you. Giving others power over yourself when God is the One holding all power and He is the One who created you. Letting your heart die and then feeling sorry for yourself too. When will you stand up for yourself and you decisions. Please tell me that will you? Is it today? Is it tomorrow? Will it be too late? Or will you find the courage to do it soon?

Didn’t forget!


Toronto |  This beautiful view form a friend's room.

Toronto | This beautiful view from a friend’s room.

Sometimes we take the right decisions but the past we never forget. Sometimes you move on with your life with the right things but your decisions at times you still regret. Sometimes we miss the past and sit quietly and one or two tears we shed. And sometimes all around us people go on with their lives ignoring how we feel and seeing our lives as all set.

But you didn’t forget, you didn’t forget. The times you were helpless and the times they all left. The times they made you feel so weak as if they have done so much and on your shoulders there is so much debt. The time they mocked you and threw you down as a burnt cigarette.  And then they ignore what happened in the past as if it is easy to forget.

Only God was there to show you a way when you needed to be led. Only He was there who saw and you He didn’t forget. And now when your life is all set… they come back offering you the same that you once wanted ignoring that you were once upset. He sees what you want and makes you free of the want and now you don’t want to get (Surah ad-Duha). It’s all in your head what they once said. It’s all in your heart what you once felt. They remember it all but pretend to forget. But you need to let them know that you didn’t forget!

Because you didn’t forget, you didn’t forget. All those tears that you once shed. You didn’t forget how you once felt. When they all walked away and all by yourself you were left. You didn’t forget who then came as always to help. You didn’t forget and He didn’t forget.

The day you walk alone.


Turn your face to the sun and shadows fall behind you.

Turn your face to the sun and shadows fall behind you. Downtown Toronto

It’s been a while since I wrote. I guess you can say I was in the middle of the sea and got lost with my boat. There are times in our lives where we ask ourselves towards which way do we float? There is Someone there Who is pulling us towards this one way as if by a remote. Truth be told it is a long way. We walk and run, at times we think of it all as amusement and play (Surah Al-Hadid). Then we fall down while playing  shedding those tears and remember to once again pray. Who is guiding our way? Who is not letting us get lost and protecting us from being of those who from their path go astray?

One night in November you walk home alone. It is dark, it is quite and only through street lights the path is shown. The struggle you feel this night you never felt before. You cry and say out loud Oh God please let me sit right here on this road. Is it possible to not have the strength to walk not even to your house door? With a broken heart and no strength You keep going on and the pain you ignore.

You want to fall down or sit but something keeps pushing you from the back. Something keeps telling you that if you fall down on the road, you will loose this so you cannot slack. From all around you feel as if you are being attacked. Then all of a sudden as if you see light passing through a crack. It is a light from your home so you run towards it as fast as you can. And finally you reach home and you let it all out. You run to your room and let those tears finally fall down to the ground. There is no more pain or struggle, but rather tears of happiness and in your thoughts you drown…

There is finally an understanding of the concept that this is truly how your life goes. No matter what street you walk through at the end you must come home.  Since you know where your house is and to you the path is shown. Now you do a bit of exploring, get lost in few streets but as long as you get back to the street that is your own. We get lost many times in our lives but what matters is how many times we bring ourselves back towards the path that is known. No matter what we do in our lives we must return back to the One who owns the Throne ( Surah Al-Baqarah). Now it is up to us if we want to wander the streets being lost or do we want to return back home?

As long as we want to return to our home God won’t let us fall. At times we will walk and run and in hard times He will even help us crawl. As long as we keep the intention of returning back home He will even help us break walls. As long as we keep doing good on our way He won’t give up and will continue to call. This is your walk alone so at all times you must stand tall. People will walk with you for a while but then turn into the streets where their houses are. But at the end we all must get to our homes it is where we belong. It is all a matter of telling ourselves that you can do it because you are strong.

Cold!


Sunset out my window two days ago.

Sunset out my window two days ago. It’s cold but it is also gold

They often ask you why so cold? Why do you always say what you feel why are you so blunt and bold? Why do you not pause and think, why don’t you put your words on hold? They don’t like hearing the truth but it is also true that truth is always the gold. So before you say something why should you put your words in a mold? Why should you stop right before saying what you feel and then let your tongue fold? We have all changed and been sold. Because this world is so cold.

They don’t know your struggles, they don’t know how you grew old. Stating the truth is sometimes considered uncontrolled. You can’t be too honest all the time, recently I was told. The irony is that we all lie yet we are all searching for gold. You must do things like everyone else does, if you do it differently you are considered bold. When you are straight up and direct about something, you are considered cold.

Why must you always live the way as by others you are told? Why can’t you be the gold in this world that is cold? Why can’t you walk your way by being just a little bit of cold? Why must you always by others be controlled? Why is this world trying to shape us in to a mold? Why are you so cold? Why is this world so cold?

Seasons of our hearts


I look forward to this season to see these colours at my beautiful window | Truly home is where the heart is.

I look forward to this season to see these beautiful colours at my window | Truly home is where the heart is.

       Sometimes our heart sees what we cannot see with our eyes. How beautiful is the heart that desires something but is shy. Sometimes it attaches itself with things and people and makes it so hard for us to say goodbye.At times it lets us smile from outside but from the inside it silently cries. Sometimes it feels guilty for days because we told that one lie. And sometimes it feels such strong feelings that no matter how hard we push the thoughts away we cannot deny.

    Sometimes it builds up so much strength and pushes us again and again to once again try. And sometimes it fills itself with so much patience to stop us and let people and things walk by. Often it gets so excited and makes us believe that we can fly. It changes so many seasons but often it has no tears left to cry. Sometimes we have no feelings because it gets so hard just like the soil that dries. Sometimes it wants to give so much to others and feels big just like the sky. Often it gives us reminders that makes us give thoughts to a matter and question why? Often it gives up without even telling us to retry. And often it lets us sleep with one feeling and in the morning new feelings it passes by.

   But when we don’t listen to what it says that is when we silently let it die. When we don’t take the time to feel what others feels that is when we don’t let it cry. Our hearts are alive we forget that at times and keep letting our lives pass by. Then a day comes in our lives when we feel so hurt and feel this pain that we don’t know on who to rely. If only we took care of our heart just like it takes care of us… sigh. It doesn’t ask much from us but when we keep doing wrong it slowly dies. It silently guides us from within … truly there is no limit to how beautiful is the heart that is shy.

Rejections


Getting inspired by these beauties on a rainy day.

Getting inspired by these yummy ice cream truffles on a rainy day.

It is hard for us to face rejection. Because around us we want no negativity and from others always want to see affection. There are many times we don’t even want something but when we get rejected by it we want to compete. Why didn’t I get selected, Why didn’t they pick me… that wanting of always being on top and others we want to beat. Not realizing that we got rejected by this because there is something better waiting for us down the street.

You can keep tasting chocolates till you eat the one that tastes best out of all. You will keep getting rejected until you have enough experience to still stand tall. You will keep getting rejected at interviews till you reach the one job that is meant to be yours. You will keep facing rejection till you reach that person you are actually  made for. You will keep asking for help in something and getting rejected till you knock on that one door. And you will keep failing that test over and over again till you get enough practice to get the highest score.

It is hard for us to face rejection because we always want to win. It doesn’t matter if we don’t even want that thing. We still busy ourselves with competing, loosing our sleep over it and making our heads spin. We get rejected only because there is something better for us at end. Think back to your life today and all those rejections through which you have been. Would you have all that you have today, or all that you did achieve if you stopped at that thing? We always think we know what is best for us but it is actually God who knows it all (Surah al-baqarah) and that is how it has always been. But sadly we forget it every time by competing, because this world we are trying to win.

Always something there.


Harbour Front Toronto

Harbour Front Toronto got to be my favourite spot to sit alone and reflect.

You wonder why something is always there to remind. When you try to leave the past and forget about what you left behind. You try to stop those memories and thoughts that come in to your mind. You try to close your eyes when you see something that comes in front of you to remind. As if by closing your eyes you… they won’t be able to find. And then you think why it is happening to you when you are trying to walk away from it… why is this world so unkind?

I reflect on the past a lot because that is what helps you improve. Thinking about everything that happened is what helps you to move. It is what motivates you to prove. And it is exactly what strengthens you to acknowledge all the negativity in your life that you need to remove. Sometimes when you remember people you removed from  life you wonder if they think of you too. Do they remember you? Does something always remind them of you too? And I admit it is very annoying when you have no answers and you sit there without a clue. And you try to put your mind somewhere else reminding yourself everything that happened and try to focus outside the window on that view…

When others do you wrong let them do it anyway. It is hard at first but after a while you have the strength to easily walk away. The people who do you wrong will remember you day by day. They will always remember what they did to you even if they don’t admit and say. They are so interested in your life that the spaces in their hearts is filled by knowing what’s going on in your life and how you are spending your days. Even if you block and delete them out of your life … to find out where you are they will try their best to find a way. That is when you need to sit back and enjoy their game and how they play.

It is important for you to block and delete them fully and get away. Because if not you are just putting your life on display. You are letting them know that you are either hurt or living your life in full way. And either one of those can be played against you in so many different ways.  They are definitely annoyed by how you blocked them away. Because now they don’t know how to fill that space in their heart that is empty and they don’t know how to replace.

Now back to why something always comes back to you to remind. Take it as a blessing because God is So Kind. Through those little thoughts and memories that you remember here and there during your day. He blesses you with the strength to get over it day by day. Because in the start we all tend to push the thoughts as far back as we can just so in our minds it won’t stay. But in real we need as much time to get over something as we gave when we allowed that thing or person in our lives to stay.

It is preparing you for something greater that you may not see today. He gives us the patience to see how we react when that thing comes in front of us again and again. Do we feel our heart break inside every time we see it or do we just take a deep breathe, get over it and walk away?  I think that will be the question for today.

We love to hate


this beauty found in my backyard eating our plant leaves of course. But I didn't hate it for that I admired it's beauty instead.

Hate eats your heart bit by bit. This beauty found in my backyard eating our plant leaves of course. But I didn’t hate it for that I admired it’s beauty instead.

Hate is a strong word. Especially when you want your voice to be heard. Notice when you use it what message you just transferred? They say actions speak louder than words.  Reflect today on how you talk, are your words as beautiful as the flying birds? You have enough time to hate when really you can improve your life.  See the negativity you pass just by the way you hold that knife. Hate exists for things and people that you still love but no longer believe in. Think about how many times you use this word and how long this has been? Reflect on that do you really feel this from within? Or are you just using this word for a conversation to begin. I hate you, I hate him, I hate her … I can go on and on till our heads spin. Who are we harming? Just ourselves and that is exactly where it begins.

Hate no one, no matter how much they have wronged you. The person you were friends with yesterday, tomorrow may turn against you. What you love today tomorrow you might dislike that too. So why waste all this time creating negativity around you? Understand that these things, people and your heart change as the seasons do. That is exactly why you need to be moderate and keep a balance in all that you do (hadith). Don’t love too much that your world revolves around that view. And then you start complaining when your heart breaks through.

Out of hate and love, in our lives love is much preferred. Create that positivity around you and see how easy it is to be heard. Always keep focused so your life purpose is not blurred. Because once that gets blurred you let hate enter you life.. and that is a strong word.

Never seen a girl like you.


the cake topper off this yummy pistachio icecream cake I got for this girl <3

the cake topper off this yummy pistachio ice cream cake I got for this girl.

Often times I know what to say and how to get my message through. But today what to write I have no clue. She often tells me I have never seen a girl like you. But mama I feel special when people tell me I look just like you. I talk like you I laugh like you some even tell me I walk like you. Nobody knows your struggle and what you have been through. All those sacrifices you made for us only God knew. When we are younger we search for those perfect friends. As we grow older we realize our parents are our best friends. They are the only ones true to us till the end. Not being selfish and always ready to spend. She feeds you before she eats herself now isn’t that true. All those times she said she wasn’t hungry because there wasn’t enough only God knew. Her one smile makes your whole day go well all the way through. I have never seen a girl like you.

The paradise lies under the feet (hadith). There is no other like her who takes care of our needs. It is you who keeps everything organized and neat. There is no other but you who is always sweet. A family without you is a family incomplete. There are people out there in their lives who don’t have what we do. who don’t have a mom as caring there are those too. our struggles and sacrifices don’t add up to what you do. All the pain and struggles no one knows what you’ve been through. Yet still stronger than before you stand here asking us what should I cook for you. There is no one else who is more true. Forgive us for being ignorant at time and forgetting that in front of your eyes we grew. There is no one else who knows us more than you do. You are strong you are beautiful and I have never seen a girl like you. Some day I hope to become just like you. Because I want to talk like you I want to walk like you. I even want to laugh like you. Here is a big thank you for all that you do. and for being truer than true. I love it when you say I have never seen a girl like you.

Because truly never seen a girl like you ❤

Stop here.


I enjoy waiting for my bus at 6:45 only because I get to hear the birds; today's morning inspiration

my usual 7:00am everyday waiting for bus, birds chirping and beautiful mornings

There are times you are about to do something and you hear a sound in your head. Don’t do it, don’t go on with it, if you do later you will regret. It is not a voice from you but rather God guiding you if only you would reflect. He works in His own way just  trying to protect. Maybe you are doing something that displeases Him and that is incorrect. you may still go on with it not caring but trust me later it will show its effect. So when you get that feeling or hear a sound to stop here. Just remember its guidance from Him because He knows what is best and He is the All-Seer.