Life of Approvals


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There comes a time in a life where you feel like you are facing a wall. You are stuck, you can’t get over it, you feel so small. Sometimes everything happens at once and sometimes nothing happens at all. You can’t make a decision so you sit there crying and your eyes you bawl. Forgetting that this is your life and you must stand tall.

All that only happens only when you look towards others to make your decisions for you. Instead of hearing your own heart and listening to what it wants you to do. Recently someone told me get rid of your emotions will you? And I sit there and question with a dead heart how are you supposed to survive this life through? How do you walk around pretending you are OK and inside you don’t feel gray and blue? It is very easy for some while it becomes an everyday battle for some in their own shoes. To get up and pretend as their lives pass through. Their hearts already dead just waiting for them to be dead too. And this is a life story of so many if only you knew.

Can I do this? Can I do that? Asking others for approvals for things you actually want to do. Goals you want to achieve, visions you want to make true. And then someone answers no and you sit there think ‘maybe they are right and I am not capable for this to do.’ You keep hearing disapprovals from others that you end up living the average life as others do. Forgetting that the One who created you never limited your goals and visions and that He is the One who inspires you to do. He controls your Hearts and is the One who puts those feelings in your hearts for you.

And here you are being silly asking for approval from His creation as if they control you. Not standing up for yourself and what you want to do. Living to please others, scared they might not like you. Giving others power over yourself when God is the One holding all power and He is the One who created you. Letting your heart die and then feeling sorry for yourself too. When will you stand up for yourself and you decisions. Please tell me that will you? Is it today? Is it tomorrow? Will it be too late? Or will you find the courage to do it soon?

It’s been a long time.


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this way to home.

It’s been a long time when out of nowhere with these words I stopped.In the race of this life there are so many holes and traps over which you always have to hop. Sometimes you can run past them as fast as you can while other times you end up falling in those holes deeper than it was actually planned. It all really depends on what is in your heart. What your intentions are, where do you want to go and where did you start? If your intentions are to run home then there will be no stop for you no matter how many roads you find blocked. But if your intentions are to look around and make some stops here and there then know that you are bound to drop.

By dropping in the hole I don’t mean that’s your end. Remember it is about the intentions and where we actually began. Just by falling does not mean you will now stay in that trap. If your heart remembers the real goal of running home you will eventually begin to suffocate in that plastic wrap. But if your heart has moved far away, it will sit there lost and confused not knowing where to look and what to grab. It is all really a self process of how fast you can bring yourself back. Truly it is the intentions of our hearts that we really need to track.

Sometimes we run as fast as we can. But other times we fall not remembering our life purpose and where we began. Sometimes all it takes is a prayer or a thought to bring ourselves back. And other times we sit there with our confused minds, the ability to get up again we lack. It is all a struggle and everyday we get attacked. To check how far you have come is the only time you should look back!

Now you understand…


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It takes a selfish person to be careless, take advantage of others, do wrong and then walk away. But it takes courage to think of others before yourself and what is yours let it all go away. It takes strength to hold your words back, not fight back when you know you are the right one to say. It takes patience to show respect to the one who tried so hard to make you fall on your way. Now you sit here and understand when in all those prayers you asked for things and why there was a delay.

If it comes back its yours?


Lunch at work and some "me" time at all time favorite spot.

Lunch at work and some “me” time at all time favorite spot.

Once again let’s talk about letting it go. If it comes back it is yours, of that how are you sure? Perhaps it came back for you as a test if you can once again let it go? Why are you looking back at those closed doors?

Within those closed doors was once where you felt secure. Till one day when it pushed up back and on your face it closed. And up till this day you think for your heart ache that is where you will find the cure.

You try to be patient till God finally will open the next door. At times you get impatient and about what’s ahead you seem unsure. Ignoring that God is with the patient ones (Surah Al-Baqarah) and to you again and again He assures.

So why can’t you let it go  what you once called yours? Why can’t you trust that something better is planned for you at the next door?

Something better for all that you endured. Something better where your heart will feel secure. Something better that you can finally call yours.

Loyalty


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the blue one doesn’t like me.

Who is more loyal, we can’t seem to decide. Who prayed for you? Those tears who cried? Why are you always judged by others on how much you tried. Why all of a sudden all the truth disappears and you remember that one time they lied? Why do you remember only the things they denied? And why don’t you remember when with you they were side by side?

We are constantly worried over if we are loyal to others that we forget ourselves. To others we do so much to prove ourselves that we keep filling that never ending shelf. Somewhere along that time is when we forget ourselves. The words we say, the standards we create, the respect we deserve; for all these things to remind ourselves we often end up needing others help.

Are we even loyal to ourselves? Do we even stick with the words we say? I understand the heart is constantly changing but how easily can we ourselves change? How easy it is to fool someone for own means and with their hearts we play? And here we sit trying to convince ourselves that we are loyal! we are loyal! just because we pray?

It is difficult enough to figure out our own intentions at times so how can we know with certainty the intentions of others and decide against the words they say? Who can we trust? not even ourselves we don’t know who is there to stay?

I am confused with loyalty and these standards everyone creates. No matter what you do they still find something to pin point and hate. I am done with being loyal to others and rather be loyal to myself and live day by day. I think I am just going to walk my own way.

Inside out.


Countless.

Countless.

There are some people in our lives that we refer to saying they know us inside out. We can go to them for anything, share with them any secret, and trust them without a doubt. And then a day comes we find out this one little thing that we could never imagine or think about. And we cry out loud calling ourselves stupid for trusting them and all of a sudden we have countless reasons of why we hate them and all those words we want to shout…

Silly us for first of all for even thinking that another creation can know us inside out. You are created and the other person is also created, that is a fact with no doubt. It is so easy to rely on other things and people in this world, something we actually look for in our lives through out. Truth be told this life will never be easy either with certain things or even without. And then there are people who we thought we knew  inside out. We felt happy knowing them thinking we know what’s in their hearts and sometimes because of that we felt proud. And then they do something so we sit here and wonder out loud. That how could they do this to us we would have never thought or imagined we want to question and shout…

Take a minute to get to know yourself before getting so interested in knowing the other creation inside out. Take a minute to think before you give someone the title that they know you inside out. Because really if you think about it that is not something for which you should feel proud. Because that one secret you never shared with anyone there is still Someone who knows the whole story behind it without a doubt. And He is the Only One that knows your heart and truly knows you inside out. He is the Only One that knows your wants and needs and knows what you think about. He knows you inside out. I can say this without a doubt.

Selfish love


It's not always about you.

These cupcakes from a friend’s bridal party reminding me that it’s not always about you.

Maybe It’s weird that I am thinking about love while being in bed because of fever and flu. Is it selfish or not? For some it is sadly that is true. There is selfishness in a type of love that only makes you think about you. The other person is always wrong and only you can be true. Only you have a thinking and you don’t try to understand the other person’s point of view. You never bother to look at things or try walking in the other person’s shoes. What you like, what you want is the only thing others should do. And then you get frustrated when things don’t remain the same between you. And you ignore that once these people were truer than true. Is this really love? Sadly yes and we all have that within us including me and you.

There has been times in our lives when we have either been an example of this or been treated like this by someone we knew. And we have only realized this when we stepped back and looked at the situation from a different point of view. Sometimes we are totally wrong but sometimes others don’t understand us even if we are true.  As if all of a sudden they are deaf, dumb and blind and sometimes that is exactly the reason why from them faraway we grew. Which is actually surprising because once upon a time we used to be stuck together like glue.

The ones who understand the meaning of love are actually very few. The ones who like others for who they are and are not trying to change them into an ideal image they drew. Who not only talk but have the patience to understand the other person’s point of view. And those who have the courage to actually walk in other people’s shoes. What others like they actually step out of their comfort zone to try it too.

Truth be told the unselfish love is not found in this world even if we try searching for it all the way through. Because The One who loves us unconditionally is the One who created me and you. The reason we get frustrated is because we are searching for love that will fill this space in our hearts and be always true. But that space is only filled with God’s love, the reason why to Him we always turn to. But sadly because of searching for love in this world from Him faraway we drew.

And then you spend hours and days thinking over why you can’t work things out between others and you?  Why can’t others try to understand your point of view?  It is only because you are thinking about yourself and sometimes you are called selfish too. Yet you still search for that unconditional love and sadly you want it while you still think about only yourself too.

The pain you feel.


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one of the favorite from fall season I took.

The pain you feel in your heart from not getting what you wanted to happen someday it will outgrow. It will take a month or two or even years give it time it will be slow. There will be times where you will have no strength to face this world and you will feel low. There will be times you will be lost in your thoughts trying to figure out where you went wrong though. There will also be times you will be annoyed and you will ignore all the other blessings on you that has been bestowed. But it’s okay let it all out so you can let it go. Because to see the beauty of your current situations the past thoughts and plans you need to get rid of and throw. Eventually you will get used to it all and start liking your routine but sometimes you will think of everything that you wanted to happen though.  Those thoughts come back to you not to annoy but to make you realize and show. That you can also be happy in a place that you never wanted to go. Always remember He knows what you do not know (Surah al-baqarah). And a day will come sooner or later when God will reveal it to you and show.

 

Didn’t forget!


Toronto |  This beautiful view form a friend's room.

Toronto | This beautiful view from a friend’s room.

Sometimes we take the right decisions but the past we never forget. Sometimes you move on with your life with the right things but your decisions at times you still regret. Sometimes we miss the past and sit quietly and one or two tears we shed. And sometimes all around us people go on with their lives ignoring how we feel and seeing our lives as all set.

But you didn’t forget, you didn’t forget. The times you were helpless and the times they all left. The times they made you feel so weak as if they have done so much and on your shoulders there is so much debt. The time they mocked you and threw you down as a burnt cigarette.  And then they ignore what happened in the past as if it is easy to forget.

Only God was there to show you a way when you needed to be led. Only He was there who saw and you He didn’t forget. And now when your life is all set… they come back offering you the same that you once wanted ignoring that you were once upset. He sees what you want and makes you free of the want and now you don’t want to get (Surah ad-Duha). It’s all in your head what they once said. It’s all in your heart what you once felt. They remember it all but pretend to forget. But you need to let them know that you didn’t forget!

Because you didn’t forget, you didn’t forget. All those tears that you once shed. You didn’t forget how you once felt. When they all walked away and all by yourself you were left. You didn’t forget who then came as always to help. You didn’t forget and He didn’t forget.

The day you walk alone.


Turn your face to the sun and shadows fall behind you.

Turn your face to the sun and shadows fall behind you. Downtown Toronto

It’s been a while since I wrote. I guess you can say I was in the middle of the sea and got lost with my boat. There are times in our lives where we ask ourselves towards which way do we float? There is Someone there Who is pulling us towards this one way as if by a remote. Truth be told it is a long way. We walk and run, at times we think of it all as amusement and play (Surah Al-Hadid). Then we fall down while playing  shedding those tears and remember to once again pray. Who is guiding our way? Who is not letting us get lost and protecting us from being of those who from their path go astray?

One night in November you walk home alone. It is dark, it is quite and only through street lights the path is shown. The struggle you feel this night you never felt before. You cry and say out loud Oh God please let me sit right here on this road. Is it possible to not have the strength to walk not even to your house door? With a broken heart and no strength You keep going on and the pain you ignore.

You want to fall down or sit but something keeps pushing you from the back. Something keeps telling you that if you fall down on the road, you will loose this so you cannot slack. From all around you feel as if you are being attacked. Then all of a sudden as if you see light passing through a crack. It is a light from your home so you run towards it as fast as you can. And finally you reach home and you let it all out. You run to your room and let those tears finally fall down to the ground. There is no more pain or struggle, but rather tears of happiness and in your thoughts you drown…

There is finally an understanding of the concept that this is truly how your life goes. No matter what street you walk through at the end you must come home.  Since you know where your house is and to you the path is shown. Now you do a bit of exploring, get lost in few streets but as long as you get back to the street that is your own. We get lost many times in our lives but what matters is how many times we bring ourselves back towards the path that is known. No matter what we do in our lives we must return back to the One who owns the Throne ( Surah Al-Baqarah). Now it is up to us if we want to wander the streets being lost or do we want to return back home?

As long as we want to return to our home God won’t let us fall. At times we will walk and run and in hard times He will even help us crawl. As long as we keep the intention of returning back home He will even help us break walls. As long as we keep doing good on our way He won’t give up and will continue to call. This is your walk alone so at all times you must stand tall. People will walk with you for a while but then turn into the streets where their houses are. But at the end we all must get to our homes it is where we belong. It is all a matter of telling ourselves that you can do it because you are strong.