Life of Approvals


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There comes a time in a life where you feel like you are facing a wall. You are stuck, you can’t get over it, you feel so small. Sometimes everything happens at once and sometimes nothing happens at all. You can’t make a decision so you sit there crying and your eyes you bawl. Forgetting that this is your life and you must stand tall.

All that only happens only when you look towards others to make your decisions for you. Instead of hearing your own heart and listening to what it wants you to do. Recently someone told me get rid of your emotions will you? And I sit there and question with a dead heart how are you supposed to survive this life through? How do you walk around pretending you are OK and inside you don’t feel gray and blue? It is very easy for some while it becomes an everyday battle for some in their own shoes. To get up and pretend as their lives pass through. Their hearts already dead just waiting for them to be dead too. And this is a life story of so many if only you knew.

Can I do this? Can I do that? Asking others for approvals for things you actually want to do. Goals you want to achieve, visions you want to make true. And then someone answers no and you sit there think ‘maybe they are right and I am not capable for this to do.’ You keep hearing disapprovals from others that you end up living the average life as others do. Forgetting that the One who created you never limited your goals and visions and that He is the One who inspires you to do. He controls your Hearts and is the One who puts those feelings in your hearts for you.

And here you are being silly asking for approval from His creation as if they control you. Not standing up for yourself and what you want to do. Living to please others, scared they might not like you. Giving others power over yourself when God is the One holding all power and He is the One who created you. Letting your heart die and then feeling sorry for yourself too. When will you stand up for yourself and you decisions. Please tell me that will you? Is it today? Is it tomorrow? Will it be too late? Or will you find the courage to do it soon?

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Beautiful Distractions


 

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What is this world but a beautiful distraction? Something towards which we feel attraction. To our eyes it brings satisfaction. Our words may say something else but we give a total different message through our actions.

In this world it is so easy to get lost. Even if we can see a clear view, it is a matter of seconds for our focus to get lost. Getting into accidents because our road something crossed. Getting distracted then wondering why in the race we came last. Trying to achieve the best of this world at any cost.

This world failing us over and over again. We turn wise for a while then run after it without any shame. We want to fall down and keep looking for someone to finally understand our pain. So we look for that in other people and sit there to complain and complain. It’s a constant cycle as if we have built a chain. We complain and they complain as if we are saving each other from going down the drain. But why are we so deaf dumb and blind that we don’t use our brain?

We ourselves are responsible for creating the biggest barrier between our happiness. How insane! We know we will all go in the grave one day but we fill it up with mud as if that’s not a real thing. That is when we lose our focus, what a shame! So that is when the race begins, our hearts full of stains. Trying to justify our actions by saying but please let me explain.

Our heads confused and our hearts full of pain. Not being thankful for each and every grain. Forgetting the blessing of seeing through our eyes and getting annoyed with when it rains. So busy capturing moments on a camera that we forget what was the real thing. Sitting together with real people yet busy on our phones playing games. Then when they die we remember them as our main.

So why do we complain for all that pain? When we caused it all by ourselves because we went off the lane. When we are the ones who couldn’t stop ourselves and restrain. When we are the ones who wanted the best of this world and keep running after this train. When we are clearly given the real focus of this life and what we are really here to attain. Why do we still complain? Losing our happiness and focus and causing ourselves to drain. Oh what a shame!  What a shame!

I can’t find the words.


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I can’t find the words tonight, maybe you’ll hear my heart.  I don’t know where to begin, I don’t know where to start. I stand back and look at my life and it looks like a work of art. Sometimes you have it all together, sometimes it falls apart. Some days you wish for it all to restart.

You know the saying where a blessing comes as a test. Nowadays there are some counting the materialistic things and hash tagging it as ‘blessed’. We all fall for that once in a while not realizing that we are the same as all the rest. So how do you acknowledge whether it is a blessing or a test? Do we really sit down and think that this question must be addressed?

We get what we want and we say “omg so blessed’. While He may have given that you with so many different tests. Patience, sincerity, justice and humbleness. Sometimes to see how you deal with all the stress. What may seem like a blessing is a test on its own. Just to see if you will find your way back home. Not everything that shines is gold. He shows you that in His own way and then you heart turns cold. Confused, lost and your emotions uncontrolled. What you thought was perfect, was not perfect at the end. You are burdened you are tired, so you look for a friend. And once again your broken heart, it is He that mends.

They say that He tests the One he loves. And that He sends His blessings down from above. So much has happened you don’t know where to begin. Secrets that nobody knows where you wanted to crawl out of your skin? Times where you felt you were falling deeper and deeper into sin? Times where you did not have the strength to keep up that chin. But you walked through it all, crawled on your knees, ran where you could… tell me did you not win?

So tonight you can’t find the words because it was a mixture of all. You ran, you struggled, you let go and sometimes you ran into walls. Sometimes it was easy to get out, sometimes it was a close call. Who then gave you strength to still stand tall? The Only One hearing your heart right now is the One who already knows it all. He makes a way out for you no matter what befalls. He shows you in His own way of what you thought was the best, how imperfect it is all. What you thought was so big, in real how it is so small.

Piece of your mind.


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Splash of colours for sunset today had me thinking.

It is that time where you must give them a piece of your mind. Just because you were quiet does not mean you were blind. They kept taking advantage because you have always been so kind. But you must sit with yourself and look at how Self Respect is defined. How you have always been thrown of by them, to yourself you must remind. It is finally time to respect your morals and values and let all those words out that you have combined. In yourself that inner strength, that lost soul you must find. And finally give them a piece of your mind.

Don’t remind an arrogant how to them you have always been so kind. All that you have done, to a selfish person don’t remind.  Every time you were there for them, don’t look at the past that you have left behind. Just do this to get your self respect back and hit them with reality that all this time you were not blind. You deserve so much better than what has been left behind.

But in order to move on to the next chapter, you must close this one by giving them a piece of your mind.

Now you understand…


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It takes a selfish person to be careless, take advantage of others, do wrong and then walk away. But it takes courage to think of others before yourself and what is yours let it all go away. It takes strength to hold your words back, not fight back when you know you are the right one to say. It takes patience to show respect to the one who tried so hard to make you fall on your way. Now you sit here and understand when in all those prayers you asked for things and why there was a delay.

If it comes back its yours?


Lunch at work and some "me" time at all time favorite spot.

Lunch at work and some “me” time at all time favorite spot.

Once again let’s talk about letting it go. If it comes back it is yours, of that how are you sure? Perhaps it came back for you as a test if you can once again let it go? Why are you looking back at those closed doors?

Within those closed doors was once where you felt secure. Till one day when it pushed up back and on your face it closed. And up till this day you think for your heart ache that is where you will find the cure.

You try to be patient till God finally will open the next door. At times you get impatient and about what’s ahead you seem unsure. Ignoring that God is with the patient ones (Surah Al-Baqarah) and to you again and again He assures.

So why can’t you let it go  what you once called yours? Why can’t you trust that something better is planned for you at the next door?

Something better for all that you endured. Something better where your heart will feel secure. Something better that you can finally call yours.

Loyalty


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the blue one doesn’t like me.

Who is more loyal, we can’t seem to decide. Who prayed for you? Those tears who cried? Why are you always judged by others on how much you tried. Why all of a sudden all the truth disappears and you remember that one time they lied? Why do you remember only the things they denied? And why don’t you remember when with you they were side by side?

We are constantly worried over if we are loyal to others that we forget ourselves. To others we do so much to prove ourselves that we keep filling that never ending shelf. Somewhere along that time is when we forget ourselves. The words we say, the standards we create, the respect we deserve; for all these things to remind ourselves we often end up needing others help.

Are we even loyal to ourselves? Do we even stick with the words we say? I understand the heart is constantly changing but how easily can we ourselves change? How easy it is to fool someone for own means and with their hearts we play? And here we sit trying to convince ourselves that we are loyal! we are loyal! just because we pray?

It is difficult enough to figure out our own intentions at times so how can we know with certainty the intentions of others and decide against the words they say? Who can we trust? not even ourselves we don’t know who is there to stay?

I am confused with loyalty and these standards everyone creates. No matter what you do they still find something to pin point and hate. I am done with being loyal to others and rather be loyal to myself and live day by day. I think I am just going to walk my own way.

Selfish love


It's not always about you.

These cupcakes from a friend’s bridal party reminding me that it’s not always about you.

Maybe It’s weird that I am thinking about love while being in bed because of fever and flu. Is it selfish or not? For some it is sadly that is true. There is selfishness in a type of love that only makes you think about you. The other person is always wrong and only you can be true. Only you have a thinking and you don’t try to understand the other person’s point of view. You never bother to look at things or try walking in the other person’s shoes. What you like, what you want is the only thing others should do. And then you get frustrated when things don’t remain the same between you. And you ignore that once these people were truer than true. Is this really love? Sadly yes and we all have that within us including me and you.

There has been times in our lives when we have either been an example of this or been treated like this by someone we knew. And we have only realized this when we stepped back and looked at the situation from a different point of view. Sometimes we are totally wrong but sometimes others don’t understand us even if we are true.  As if all of a sudden they are deaf, dumb and blind and sometimes that is exactly the reason why from them faraway we grew. Which is actually surprising because once upon a time we used to be stuck together like glue.

The ones who understand the meaning of love are actually very few. The ones who like others for who they are and are not trying to change them into an ideal image they drew. Who not only talk but have the patience to understand the other person’s point of view. And those who have the courage to actually walk in other people’s shoes. What others like they actually step out of their comfort zone to try it too.

Truth be told the unselfish love is not found in this world even if we try searching for it all the way through. Because The One who loves us unconditionally is the One who created me and you. The reason we get frustrated is because we are searching for love that will fill this space in our hearts and be always true. But that space is only filled with God’s love, the reason why to Him we always turn to. But sadly because of searching for love in this world from Him faraway we drew.

And then you spend hours and days thinking over why you can’t work things out between others and you?  Why can’t others try to understand your point of view?  It is only because you are thinking about yourself and sometimes you are called selfish too. Yet you still search for that unconditional love and sadly you want it while you still think about only yourself too.

Tonight I see the light


Walking towards the real light… being grateful as the events of life unfold and everything comes into sight.

I keep it silent

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Awhile back when I was in love with this world I wrote if you see the same moon as I see tonight how far are you from me anyway. Though tonight I realize that I just didn’t understand the case. I wanted the world so I was spending my nights all awake. Its like there was a need to win because all around me there was a race. When you find everyone running around you …you start searching for support. That’s when you fall in love with things and people who are riding the same boat. You start depending on them and they become your hope. As the attachment grows through it you see the light. You see it everywhere in the sun or moon and everything nice. Then all of a sudden something breaks… its a shock at first then it happens again and again. That attachment is breaking…

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Branches of our tree.


When things and people in our lives become branches instead of the leaves. It usually ends with a broken heart and later we grieve.

I keep it silent

view out that window | my favorite tree. view out that window | my favorite tree.

Today I stare out my window. I watch this tree, and its been some time though. I think to my myself that Glory be to God the way He sometimes sends us signs that leave us in awe! Coming back to the reality let’s get this straight. He is the creator and His creation He creates. This tree is a creation and it grows. It has branches and leaves that everyone knows. When the season changes the leaves fall down. At times when there is a heavy storm the branches also break down. When the leaves fall down they get no attention. Because they leave now but new ones come back the next season.  But what happens when a big branch breaks down? Everyone notices the empty space… some may even frown.

Now lets come back to us and understand the message through this, That tree is…

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