Awhile back when I was in love with this world I wrote if you see the same moon as I see tonight how far are you from me anyway. Though tonight I realize that I just didn’t understand the case. I wanted the world so I was spending my nights all awake. Its like there was a need to win because all around me there was a race. When you find everyone running around you …you start searching for support. That’s when you fall in love with things and people who are riding the same boat. You start depending on them and they become your hope. As the attachment grows through it you see the light. You see it everywhere in the sun or moon and everything nice. Then all of a sudden something breaks… its a shock at first then it happens again and again. That attachment is breaking while you are trying to save. You try to fix it even though through it there is nothing you will gain. Because you made the object or person your light it becomes hard to breathe. You are walking on the road alone with no strength and your heart seems to bleed. why are you losing it all when you just wanted to succeed? so you stop looking at lights because they remind you of it all. You feel stiff and seems like your heart has been blocked.
You see the beautiful sunrises and there are so many questions. Then even more beautiful sunsets come around and you start to understand the lessons. At night when the moon comes at your window you shut your blinds. You put your head down on the ground and start making confessions. What you don’t understand is that all that light is trying to teach you something right. Because what is to come is better than what has been left behind (surah ad-duha). You start to fall in love with the real “light” (surah an-noor).
Today here I am once again and the moon is at my window very different but yet looking the same. My heart feels blocked and I know I won’t fall for this world’s game again. This time I stare at its beauty and don’t question how far is it from me or what where and when. Because I remind myself that the actual “light” ...
” …is closer to you than your jugular vein ” Surah Qaf